This past Wednesday I crossed over into my 11th week of pregnancy. According to The Bump, the bambino is now the size of a lime - which is hard to believe since I don't look or feel any differently. A lot has happened since my last post, and while none of it has been catastrophic, my anxiety got the best of me for awhile.
Around my 9th week, my symptoms faded quickly and seemed to disappear altogether. No more nausea, breasts weren't so sore anymore, no cramping, essentially no signs of pregnancy whatsoever.
I was convinced, with 100% certainty, that my pregnancy had ended. I was 100% certain that I was experiencing a missed miscarriage or a blighted ovum. Both of these events mean that the pregnancy has ended, but your body hasn't noticed yet - hence, no bleeding. People often find out what has happened when they go for their first ultrasound, only to discover their little angel had moved on several weeks before.
I had my first doctor's appointment scheduled for April 4th and as the days drew closer my anxiety worsened. At first, I was terrified of learning the worst. But the day before, I had a different perspective. Instead of terror, I went into mourning, thoroughly convinced that I was living the last day and the last few moments of my pregnancy, because on the following day, I would learn it was all over. And I wouldn't be pregnant anymore.
I was nearly in tears by the time we arrived at the doctor's office and after a very brief physical, it was time for the ultrasound. To my absolute shock, there was an actual baby in there - with a heartbeat!
"Are you sure you see the heartbeat?" I kept asking, struggling to see it myself from the angle of the monitor and my position on the bed.
"Oh yes, I do. It's right there," pointing, "See that flicker?"
My husband saw it right away, even before the doctor pointed it out. He was ecstatic. And then, as if realizing that I needed further proof, the little bean hiccuped, it's whole body splaying, like my turtles used to do when they sneezed.
There was no disputing the fact that I had a healthy, living, little baby growing inside. I was happy, but still stunned. What an emotional roller coaster!
I asked the doctor about my lacking symptoms and he looked at me quizzically.
"Symptoms aren't necessarily a good thing." He responded. "Think of women who have like 9 kids - the women who love being pregnant because they feel better than they do when they aren't pregnant."
Okay, well that will never be me. But for now - I'm still pregnant and it's getting more and more real with every passing day.
We've now told our closest circle of friends and will tell my husband's parents this weekend. As for sharing with my own parents, I plan to wait until after the next ultrasound in a few weeks so that I can feel even more confident that this is going to stick. In the meantime, here's a photo of the bean! I can't wait to see it again in a few weeks.
