I had my first doctor's appointment on Monday and after spending 90 minutes answering questions and filling out paperwork, I was informed that they would not be seeing me again until April 4th when I reach 10 weeks and so the waiting continues and it's absolute torture - not knowing if things are progressing properly, with only my symptoms as a guide.
As time passes far too slowly, I grow more and more fearful that something is wrong, that this one won't take either, that the 10-Week appointment will end in disappointment. But I am trying to stay positive, if not for the sake of our blueberry, then for the sake of my own sanity.
We have a busy couple of weeks coming up and I'm anxious about how I'm going to handle it all. We have several groups of guests coming to stay with us and a great deal of travel in between and I just don't feel good. I don't feel strong or healthy or up for any of it. I feel weak, tired, ugly, and just not at my best, and this frustrates me because I feel like I shouldn't be this run down. I am a trouper. This weakness will not stand! I'm hoping this tough time will pass as my body adjusts to the hormones. I'm praying I don't vomit in any of the planes, trains or automobiles we'll be riding in.
The guests and travel also again pushes the subject of "to tell or not to tell." I am still not ready to tell, but it's going to be difficult not to with people hanging out in my living room. It's not so much a matter of disguising my sudden teetotaling, which I've grateful blamed on Lent, but more a matter of needing to rest a bit more than usual and not having the energy to put on a big act when really all I want to do is have a big puke.
So we'll see how the next couple of weeks unfold. I know I will be far more confident about everything once I hear a heartbeat and see something that I can wrap my head around on a screen.
But for now, my little bun just feels a bit like a seasonal bug. Sorry, little bun. We've got your back, I promise.
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