Week 9: Can I get a Martini with that Green Olive?

Today marks 9 whole weeks and Bambino is allegedly the size of a green olive. I say "allegedly" because after December, after all I've seen my friends go through with their own fertility challenges, and last but not least, after too many hours spent on those damned message boards... I have a very difficult time getting too excited in the absence of any "proof" that all is well.

Next week after a, hopefully reassuring, doctor's appointment at 10-Weeks, I promise to be more optimistic. For now, I am tempering my enthusiasm and attempting to remain somewhat neutral.

But here we are! 9 weeks in. 9 weeks without cocktails - okay, more like 5 or 6 weeks without cocktails, not that I'm counting. I miss them sometimes, especially when we are out with friends before dinner, or the group is sharing a bottle of wine -however these days, my perpetual, non-booze-induced "hangover" has me thinking about anything but booze.

Can you believe, I still haven't told anyone! (Aside from our guests of course, who were already onto me, but that doesn't count). I wanted to tell one of my girlfriends yesterday but the words just wouldn't come out. I'm still so fearful that the second I share, it will somehow, go away. I'm still shocked that I'm even pregnant in the first place. I really did always suspect that I would die old and alone with my cat. But here I am!

I've had fun (and simultaneously overwhelmed myself) looking at all kinds of baby stuff online. I don't think I want to invest too much, despite the lure of infinite-cuteness, I also realize that logically, the kid won't be that small for that long, so splurging too much in the upfront will leave us wanting a couple of months down the road. We're going to keep things simple. In part, because we won't have a ton of space for the first couple of years and the baby's "nursery" will be doing double time as our home library - perhaps the kid will grow up to be a writer! Additionally, because it seems most of the frills you want to invest in upfront are quickly pushed to the side a couple of months later because the baby grows out of them, or new, more fun frills arise.

We will invest in a beautiful, convertible crib - the 3-in-1 kind that turns from baby crib, to toddler daybed, to child's bed.

We will invest in a great pack-n-play pen that we can pack up and bring along with us wherever we go.

I will invest in a cute designer diaper bag because I don't think it's necessary to compromise personal style when you become a mom - and because that thing is going to go everywhere with me!

A good stroller is also important. But my goal is to find just one. I don't need a shopping stroller, and a jogging stroller, and a beach stroller... just one stroller that does it all. Tall order? Perhaps.

A car seat will be critical. I'd like to get one that is convertible like the bed and will last beyond the newborn stage, but I'm open to exploring the options and finding one that has the highest ratings for safety and comfort.

As for clothes, I think this is where Old Navy, GAP, and Target come into play. No designer duds for our little Bambino just yet. There are SO MANY ridiculously cute baby clothes out there at some of the more budget-friendly shops, I'm confident we will be able to load up on lots of cute little ensembles without blowing the bank. Then when the kid grows out of them in a few weeks, it won't hurt so much!

But, I'm getting ahead of myself aren't I. Let's just wait and see how things go next week... Can you believe, by then I will be just two weeks shy of the end of my "First Trimester"! I can't believe it either. No one even knows I'm pregnant yet and by the time they do, I will be a third of the way through!

Budget Baby Clothes that I'm Obsessed With

So, in my last post I mentioned how clothing was not an area I wanted to splurge on in the beginning. After all - the clothes are really just for other people to notice - the baby doesn't know what its wearing. That's not to say I don't want my kid to be the hottest fashionista on the block. It just means, I think we can achieve that status at some of the more budget-friendly shops, like GAP, Old Navy, Target, maybe even Wal-Mart! Below are some of my faves so far - all were under $30 - many were under $20! For those prices, you can buy triple the cute clothes!

How am I Hungry, AGAIN?!

So, morning all-day-sickness is really kicking my butt this week. From migraines to nonstop dry-heaving, I've been compromised and it's no fun. I try to tell myself the nausea is in my head. I believe myself for five minutes, and then promptly gag upon opening the refrigerator.

What's worse is that the only time I'm not nauseous is when I'm eating. I realized today, Oh THIS is why pregnant women gain so much weight... because the only way to curb the nausea is by eating! Not to mention, no sooner do I finish eating and I'm hungry again - you know, that churning empty feeling in your stomach? Where is all the food going? To my ass, that's where. Because I know our ripe little Raspberry isn't really getting that much of it just yet.

And what to eat? All these books talk about "Eating Healthy While Pregnant." Well, I'll tell you what, my Pink Lady Apple tastes a whole heck of a lot worse than a chicken sandwich on the way back up.

Here are some tips I've collected about keeping morning all-day sickness at bay:

• Eat complex carbs first thing in the morning - even in bed, if you'd like. (You can keep crackers by your bed for this purpose).

• Eat smaller meals more frequently. You're supposed to always have a little something in your stomach vs. letting it get empty, or overstuffing it. 

• Smell or suck on lemons - or squeeze some in your water if that sounds more humane. (Don't ask me why, but we read this in "Dude, You're Gonna Be a Dad" and for some reason it sounds like a decent idea). 

• Ginger: Ginger Tea, Ginger Root, Ginger Ale, Ginger Snaps. Anything with Ginger is supposed to help. 

• Sea Bands: Those pressure-point bands that are generally used for motion sickness. I tried these in December when I was nauseous and had to fly and I think they worked. Even if it's psychosomatic, I don't care. If it works, it works. I don't care why.

• Vitamin B6 (Talk to your doctor before starting any supplements). 

• Find what works for you! Diet Coke has been helping me, even more than Ginger Ale! I know artificial sweeteners and caffeine are standard pregnancy concerns, but I am controlling my "usage" and feel comfortable with how much I'm drinking - about a can on the days that I drink it at all and I space it out throughout the day. The point is, the same way everyone's bodies are different, your remedies might be different too. Experiment a bit. Find what works and make the most of it!

Here are some websites with more tips for morning sickness relief.

• American Pregnancy Association
• Parenting.com Tips
• BabyCenter Tips

Lastly, here are some fun comfort food recipes from the experts at WhatToExpect.com. Maybe I'll try a couple of these this week. If I can stop heaving long enough to boil some water.

Happy Heaving. :)

Week 8: Raspberrylicious

I am 8 Weeks today. It's crazy to think I could already be two months into the actual 9 (okay, 10) month pregnancy! My symptoms haven't really changed much over the past week. Still nauseous from time to time, cramping everyday (which I take comfort in believing that this means that things are still growing), and the sore breasts though they haven't been as sore lately which has caused me some worry.

Of course, everything I read and every pregnancy veteran I talk to agrees that the symptoms come and go. "If they lasted all through the 9 months, I don't think we'd make it!" One girlfriend remarked. She has a point. Still, it's disconcerting to feel something one day and not the next.

Yesterday, I went to the doctor for lab work. They took 7 vials of blood to test for all kinds of things. I am someone who doesn't mind needles. More accurately, I do mind needles (I have to close my eyes while they are drawing the blood or else I will get light headed). But, I can tolerate the needles. Whatever it takes to keep my pants on a bit longer, I'm on-board. We all have different pressure points. Others feel the opposite: give me a full body exam before you stick a needle in my arm. 

My first U/S isn't for two more weeks, and while everyday that passes without blood is reassuring, it's still hard to get excited without knowing definitively that everything is okay. Still, I try to remain positive.

We spent last weekend with friends and ended up telling them our news. We were in the middle of dinner and I realized that my husband deserved a chance to share his joy with some of his dearest friends. Who was I to take that away. If my best friends had been sitting across the table from us, I probably wouldn't have been able to keep my mouth shut long enough to order my (pitifully non-alcoholic) drink. So, I spilled. My husband was thrilled and his friends were most supportive, though they admitted they had their suspicions when I explained my recent tee-totalling was due to Lent. "The only problem with that is that you aren't Catholic," one of them countered after the beans were spilled. It didn't really occur to me that anyone would be astute enough to pick up on that little tidbit. Episcopalians can give stuff up for Lent too, no?

In retrospect, I'm glad we told them. It did make the weekend a bit easier on me and it gave me a chance to ask the wife some questions about her own pregnancies. We still aren't telling the masses just yet. If something goes wrong now there will be just two phone calls to make. I'd rather keep it that way until we know more.

This weekend we fly to Paris to visit family. I am going to try a different approach with regard to keeping my situation stealth. Instead of announcing my non-alcoholic-status, I'm simply going to not drink. I'll let them pour me a glass of wine here and there and I will take a strategic sip every now and again (I'm confident this will yield no harm), and perhaps I can just fly under the radar that way. We're all staying together in an apartment however, so if I start yakking every five minutes, that might blow my cover. I think that's the hardest part about travelling at this stage - I just don't know how I'm going to be feeling. I have no way to predict if I'll be feeling better - or worse. But, I just have to power through, be strong, eat frequently, and keep my chin up. The U/S day will be here before we know it.

For now, Happy 8 Weeks, little Raspberry!

A Cure for the Common Concern: Cat Litter

When we get pregnant, all of a sudden everything seems dangerous. We are warned about hard-boiling our babies in hot baths, changing cat litter, eating too much fish, and the perils of peanut butter. But how much of that is true and where do the myths come from? In this segment, I will outline a specific common concern and then share pertinent information from reliable sources to help you make your own informed decision about the various risk.

Concern: If you change your own cat litter, the baby will be deformed. 
Here's the deal with this one - if you can get a free pass on this unpleasant chore for the next nine months, why in the world would you want to dispute it? I'm certainly not going to cue my husband into the fact that the issue is mostly specific to outdoor cats and direct contact with their fecal matter. But, for all those single ladies out there - not having an in-house-cat-litter-cleaner to do this task for you, fear not, it's not the end of the world. It does not mean your baby is going to be deformed.

Here are the facts:

• The worry here is that you can contract toxoplasmosis - however, you can also get this from soil, undercooked meat, and un-pasturized milk (among other things). 
• According to the CDC, "People are more likely to get toxoplasmosis from eating undercooked meat or gardening than from contact with pet cats."

• As it pertains to dear Fluffy, this disease comes from raw meat and is most likely contracted when your cat comes in contact with another infected animal - for instance, if he kills a bird or bites into a mouse in the bushes. If he is an indoor cat, your risk decreases significantly. 

Here are some more tips from the CDC on how to minimize your risk.

• Risk may be reduced if the litter box is changed every day.
• Keep cats indoors.
• Avoid adopting or handling stray cats.
• Feed cats only canned or dried commercial cat food, never undercooked or raw meat.
• Do not bring a new cat into your house that might have been an outdoor cat or might have been fed raw meat.

According to a publication by the Cornell University College of Veterinary Medicine, "Cats kept indoors that do not hunt prey or are not fed raw meat are not likely to be infected with T. gondii." 

Well, it makes sense, right? 

Of course, they are also quick to specify that "Pregnant women, and persons with suppressed immune systems, should not clean the litter box."

Okay, got it. But not everyone has that luxury, so if you are in a situation where you have to clean the litter box yourself here are a few tips to minimize your risk:

• Clean the litter box every 24-hours. (It takes 48 hours for the toxic spores to become infectious).
• Wear gloves when you clean the box and wash your hands thoroughly in hot water and soap afterwards.
• Clean the box out with scalding hot water. (Chemical disinfectants aren't effective against T. gondii). 

My cat is 12 years old and has never been outside so this is one of those concerns that I will choose not to worry about. Living where we do (in Italy), I am more likely to catch this disease from the un-pasturized milk or eggs they sell at our local market. Awesome. That said, I'm still going to let my hubby do the cat litter. I'll take my breaks where I can get them these days. 

Click here for more info from the Center for Disease Control. 

Week 7: Blueberry Blues

So I made it another week. It was a tough one, with symptoms finally kicking in (feeling like a chronic hangover) and my fear of another miscarriage weighing heavily on every day.

I had my first doctor's appointment on Monday and after spending 90 minutes answering questions and filling out paperwork, I was informed that they would not be seeing me again until April 4th when I reach 10 weeks and so the waiting continues and it's absolute torture - not knowing if things are progressing properly, with only my symptoms as a guide.

As time passes far too slowly, I grow more and more fearful that something is wrong, that this one won't take either, that the 10-Week appointment will end in disappointment. But I am trying to stay positive, if not for the sake of our blueberry, then for the sake of my own sanity.

We have a busy couple of weeks coming up and I'm anxious about how I'm going to handle it all. We have several groups of guests coming to stay with us and a great deal of travel in between and I just don't feel good. I don't feel strong or healthy or up for any of it. I feel weak, tired, ugly, and just not at my best, and this frustrates me because I feel like I shouldn't be this run down. I am a trouper. This weakness will not stand! I'm hoping this tough time will pass as my body adjusts to the hormones. I'm praying I don't vomit in any of the planes, trains or automobiles we'll be riding in.

The guests and travel also again pushes the subject of "to tell or not to tell." I am still not ready to tell, but it's going to be difficult not to with people hanging out in my living room. It's not so much a matter of disguising my sudden teetotaling, which I've grateful blamed on Lent, but more a matter of needing to rest a bit more than usual and not having the energy to put on a big act when really all I want to do is have a big puke.

So we'll see how the next couple of weeks unfold. I know I will be far more confident about everything once I hear a heartbeat and see something that I can wrap my head around on a screen.

But for now, my little bun just feels a bit like a seasonal bug. Sorry, little bun. We've got your back, I promise.

A Pregnancy Reading List

From the moment I found out I was pregnant (the first time) I started consuming knowledge on the topic. I wanted to be as educated as possible on all-things-pregnancy so that I could be an informed patient when it came time to go to the doctor, and so that I could minimize panicked calls to the doc in the meantime by better understanding what was "normal" and what was not. Here is the list of the books I swear by. I tend to be on the conservative "women-had-perfect-babies-long-before-they-knew-the-alleged-perils-of-tuna-and-cat-litter" side and so I've picked up a decent range of books, from the most scientific / conservative, to some more liberal options. I've found that this collection of books has helped me feel informed - and confident in my choices - thus far.

Home Pregnancy Test How-Tos

Whether you want to be pregnant - or not - that little white stick has the power to change your life. The biggest issue with the modern day home pregnancy test is that sensitive scientific material is being put in the clumsy, over-eager, and often, ill-informed, hands of the consumer.

Here is some helpful information and links about pregnancy tests.

And So it Begins: Morning Sickness & Other Symptoms

Ever since finding out that I was pregnant, I was waiting for symptoms, worrying about my lack of symptoms, imagining maybe I had symptoms, but no. Nothing.

Last Wednesday, I hit the 6-Week mark and was told that symptoms generally kick in around 6-8 weeks and can last all the way through the second trimester - if not longer. I was told to be grateful I'd gotten a few weeks down, symptom free.

The Numbers Game: HcG Levels During Pregnancy

One of the first "buzzwords" I learned after passing the pregnancy test was "HcG".

According to the American Pregnancy Association, "The hormone human chorionic gonadotropin (better known as hCG) ... is made by cells that form the placenta, which nourishes the egg after it has been fertilized and becomes attached to the uterine wall. Levels can first be detected by a blood test about 11 days after conception and about 12 – 14 days after conception by a urine test. In general the hCG levels will double every 72 hours. The level will reach its peak in the first 8 – 11 weeks of pregnancy and then will decline and level off for the remainder of the pregnancy."

Essentially, HcG levels are the one foolproof way to tell that you're pregnant before any symptoms arise. 

The whole thing about levels doubling is open to interpretation. Every pregnancy is different and some women have lower or higher levels than others. If your numbers go up very slowly, it could be a sign of an ectopic pregnancy. If they go up very quickly, it could be a sign of a molar pregnancy, or that you're carrying multiples!

Nevertheless, HcG levels are only indicators and not perfect science by any means. After my miscarriage, my HcG levels were actually fluctuating a bit, rather than dropping, so finally the doctor recommended a urine test instead of blood, and my urine had no signs of HcG, leading the doctor to believe that I had some sort of "Phantom HcG" hanging out in my bloodstream. It made no sense to me then, either. 

Some doctors don't even test for HcG to begin with unless you are considered high-risk, following multiple miscarriages or other pregnancy complications. Every situation is different, so while this information is by no means the end-all-be-all, if you are getting tested for HcG, below is a chart for what levels generally look like in various stages of pregnancy. The key word is "generally." Also, you'll see there is an enormous range for each, furthering the point that this, as with most other pregnancy concerns, is also not a perfect science. It's easy to want to latch onto HcG numbers because it's one of the only concrete things you can "see" in the early weeks of pregnancy, but try to take these in stride. The numbers - and more importantly - their rate of change serve as indicators in early pregnancy, but no matter what the numbers show, you'll need more information before any sound conclusions can be drawn.

hCG levels in weeks from LMP (gestational age)* :

• 3 weeks LMP: 5 – 50 mIU/ml
• 4 weeks LMP: 5 – 426 mIU/ml
• 5 weeks LMP: 18 – 7,340 mIU/ml
• 6 weeks LMP: 1,080 – 56,500 mIU/ml
• 7 – 8 weeks LMP: 7, 650 – 229,000 mIU/ml
• 9 – 12 weeks LMP: 25,700 – 288,000 mIU/ml
• 13 – 16 weeks LMP: 13,300 – 254,000 mIU/ml
• 17 – 24 weeks LMP: 4,060 – 165,400 mIU/ml
• 25 – 40 weeks LMP: 3,640 – 117,000 mIU/ml
• Non-pregnant females: <5.0 mIU/ml
• Postmenopausal females: <9.5 mIU/ml

* These numbers are just a GUIDELINE– every woman’s level of hCG can rise differently. It is not necessarily the level that matters but rather the change in the level.

Source: American Pregnancy Association 

Six Weeks and the Stuff I've Decided Not to Worry About

Today, according to "The Bump" and "WhatToExpect" our little sweet pea is the size of, you guessed it, a sweet pea!

I still don't have any significant symptoms but I'm feeling more hopeful with everyday that passes without incident.

This past week, the top topics of interest for me were regarding hot baths and peanut butter.

The Waiting Game

I think there are ton of great, candid, resources available these days that will provide advice and insight on almost every possible glossary term of pregnancy you can think of, but it's struck me recently that no one - NO ONE - warns you about all the WAITING.

Waiting, and the excruciating anxiety that comes along with it, is something no one seems to talk about unless prompted. No book prepares you for when time slows down after a doctor's visit while you're waiting for HcG results, or the helplessness you feel when you start to get cramps around Week 4 and realize that knowing, or not knowing, won't make one bit of a difference in that moment because whatever is going to happen will happen with or without your input.